Birth Story

I've noticed its a thing to write down your birth story. I've had a lot of friends and family tell me to make sure and write down all that you remember from the day and I've never taken the time. Now I can't believe it's been a year since Harper's birthday so I figure why not do it now before I start to forget things. I am horrible at keeping a journal. The idea of keeping a journal sounds so lovely to me but for whatever reason I can't keep it going for more than a week. Maybe it's something about having every thought, feeling, experience written down in one place for anyone to discover that freaks me out so I don't keep it going, I don't know but I just can't manage to successfully keep one. However typing something out on a blog page seems much more doable for me. 

The day I had Harper is by far my most favorite day I've ever experienced so far in my life. My wedding day and sealing to Preston were awesome and a definite close second but Harper being born was the coolest/craziest experience of my life. 

On Thursday March 13th I went in for my 38 week appointment. Everything was great, Harper's heartbeat was strong and she was moving good, my stomach was measuring good blah blah blah. My doctor decided to sweep my membranes since I had been at 2 cm and 90% effaced for over a week. She told me it would really only work and be effective if my body was ready to go into labor so we finished up my appointment and I went on my merry way. The contractions started and they were definitely more painful than the Braxton Hicks I had been feeling for the last few weeks. By that night they were decently painful and coming every 3-4 minutes consistently. Preston and I got very eager and excited and at midnight decided to head to the hospital. They hooked me up to the machines and started monitoring my contractions that were in fact coming every 3-4 minutes. They checked me and I was still at 2 cm so we waited an hour and they checked again. Nothing. No dilation so we went home with some Lortab pills in hand to help with the pain and an explanation that I was in what's called, "Prodromal Labor" or "Pre labor." This ish went on for the next THREE days! Regular, painful, exhausting contractions that weren't stopping for three fricken days. By Monday afternoon I was beyond exhausted. I was huge, swollen, uncomfortable, annoyed, in pain and nothing was happening! Around 3:00pm on Monday I was in a lot of pain. I was down to just 2 Lortab pills and I called my doctor's office to tell her that I was in a lot of pain and I was running out of happy pain pills (is this what addicts sound like?) and she told me to meet her at her office the next morning before they opened and she would see where we were at and decide what to do but if I couldn't last through the night to go to Labor and Delivery and they would see what was happening. I got in the shower and turned it as hot as I could stand and let the water hit my back, I was so achy and tired but sleep was not really happening when I was having contractions every 3-4 minutes. Preston got home from work that night and I was still timing my contractions on my app to see if they would by some miracle from above get any closer together. Then Preston went to bed and I took my last Lortab and prayed it would do something and I could sleep but it didn't even touch the pain 

at that point. I got in the bath tub (because I lived in there my third trimester) and I stayed in there for 4 hours! I would drain it when it got cold and fill it back up and I sat with my phone listening to music and timing my contractions. My contractions were lasting a minute long and the first 30 seconds of each of them was hell but then they would peak and the pain would subside so I would just watch the clock count up to 30 and I knew the pain was almost over. Finally I decided to get out and try and get some sleep. I dried off and headed to the couch. I lasted through 2 contractions out of the water. It was a joke. These hurt so bad now, so I called Preston's cell phone around 5:45 am to tell him we needed to go to the hospital. I kept thinking if I'm not in labor then death is coming. (dramatic? I'm dead serious) The ride to the hospital I kept praying, "please let this be labor or else something is horribly wrong," We got to the hospital and Preston called up to L&D and the receptionist answered to see what we needed before she buzzed us in and Preston said his oh so famous line of, "Uh yeah, my wife isn't feeling well." Like I had a fricken cold or something?! She buzzed us in and I walked up to the counter and started giving her my info and then a contraction started and I started breathing like an angry hippo and she said, "Oh, so you're in labor." I was so excited...this is labor! THIS IS LABOR! They wheeled me back to a room and I got changed, hooked up and this tiny older nurse lady came in to check me. We were busy telling her, "that we were just here a few days and nothing was happening so we weren't sure if this was it and we didn't want to be sent home again and I was out of pain pills and I may or may not be an addict by now.." and then she stopped us and said the most glorious words..."Well you're at 7 cm now and so you're staying and you're having a baby today!" Then panic and excitement kicked in and Preston and I both shot our heads to the side to see each other's faces. So many things happened next and so fast. I had a sweet little intern guy come in, got an epidural (praise the heavens for those little guys) my IV, all sorts of other weird things done. My doctor showed up to check me and then popped my water without telling me she was planning to do so. Such a weird experience. My pulse was racing and my sweet nurse lady kept telling me I needed to relax and they needed to try and get my heart rate under control.."oh hi you just told me I'm having a kid, I have NO clue what I'm doing and this is terrifying and you want me to relax?..Sure lady"

I was fully dilated and ready to go by but my doctor suggested I relax and try and get some sleep since I hadn't slept in who knows how long at this point. That was a bust, I was too wired to sleep so nurse lady started to have me push. I pushed for a stupid hour with nothing happening at all, no progress, Harper wasn't budging, I think I was doing it wrong...who knows. Then my doctor came in and apparently I got into serious baby having mode. She kind of has that effect. She's like a basketball coach that you want to do awesome for and impress. She figured out that my nurses' suspicion that Harper was positioned wrong (face up) was correct. She then told me she would try and turn the baby but if she was unable to I would be prepped for an emergency c section. That terrified me, I always knew a c section was possible and I was fine doing whatever it took to get the baby out safely but it was suddenly so scary to hear out loud that it was a definite possibility. Trusty Dr. Savage got Harper turned in no time and things got a lot easier, and then a lot harder. I hadn't pushed my epidural button once since I had it placed because I was afraid of being too numb to push effectively. Unfortunately now it was wearing off and I was started to feel my lower half again. I told my doctor and she said if I push the button now it would most likely make it difficult to push so I let it go. It was wearing off fast and I was not ready for it to be gone at the time I really wanted it the most. I had already been pushing for over an hour and now the pain relief was just fading away. I started to get really nauseous at this point, I don't know if it was the pain, the lack of sleep, or food or beverage, the physical exhaustion, the nerves or all of it but I started to throw up with every push. I had 5 different people counting with me and telling me to push and be strong and yada yada. I kept trying to look at Preston and he was so sweet and awesome and kept saying, "you can do this, I know you can. I love you" I wanted so badly to get this kid out of me for him but I was losing it. I couldn't keep my eyes open any more I thought they were all lying when they said she was coming out and they could see she had hair. I didn't realize this at the time that I was in an actual real stage of labor where many moms start to say things like "I can't do this...I can't do this." I kept saying that over and over again and I really believed it! I had no idea why my doctor kept ignoring me when I kept saying it. I remember praying a lot at this point. Just praying for it to be over, I was so thirsty and tired, and sick, and I truly thought there was no way I could do it. Then finally I felt her crown. I screamed, it was the most abrupt, painful, jarring feeling and Preston still says he'll never forget that sound I made. The doctor got one shoulder out and pulled her the rest of the way out and put her on my stomach. After two hours and fifteen minutes. I remember she felt so heavy laying on top of my stomach, like someone had just thrown a small bowling ball up on my belly. She started screaming right away which was great for me to hear. She was so mad, and slimy and cute. She kept screaming and screaming and they got her tested and weighed and wrapped and handed her back to me and she was so mad, I didn't know what to do and I was so tired and I really just wanted her to stop yelling so I started talking to her and she just stopped crying and starred at me and that was one of the coolest moments. The rest was all kind of crazy and cool. Preston and I were in disbelief that we had actually made this child and that she was here and real. I actually got to stand up from my delivery bed and plop down in the wheel chair since my epidural had completely worn off which was kind of a surreal experience. I didn't expect to feel so great after just delivering a human. Then they took us down to the nursery to get her first bath and paperwork done. One thing I will remember is after they had cleaned her up they needed to test her blood sugars so they poked her heel to draw some blood and she freaked out. I remember feeling like my heart had lurched in my chest. It was my fist motherly defense that I had really felt where I was almost angry for a second that someone had hurt her. Obviously it was necessary and I knew that at the time but I was very taken aback by the feeling and instinct to protect her. After all was taken care of in the nursery they got us set up in our room and I was ready to make my first attempt at eating which suddenly with the adrenaline and still slight nausea from throwing up wasn't as appealing as it once was but then friends and family started showing up right away and we got the chance to show her off. The whole day felt eternally long but also very short. It really is my most favorite day. I felt the most beautiful I've ever felt that day even with all the vomiting, sweating , pain and yelling. Maybe that was all thanks to the pain meds and hormones, most likely. If I could go back in my life and relive any day though, it would be that one. Now a year later life with Harper is crazy and awesome still. She is such a good girl, we love her to pieces and everyone was right in the end, I would do it a thousand times over if it meant having her here.